Dot Allison - We’re Only Science

I’ve probably posted this before, but this song has been stuck in my head and I need to get it out into the ether of the Internet.

The Pretenders - Back on the Chain Gang

Cristina - Ticket to the Tropics

Ladytron happens to be obsessed with Cristina and their favorite song of her’s is What’s a Girl to Do, which is a song that can really catch you off-guard if you aren’t paying attention to the lyrics.

They also released the song in Iceland, though the Justin Robertson remix has always been my favorite version of this song.

Midnight Oil - My Country

Blue Sky Mining is really one of the best albums of all time.  The album was so strong from start to finish that if I remember correctly, their record label wanted to split it up into 5 albums.

Not long ago I wrote a review for the Parental Advisory tour show at the Rhythm Room . At that show I had the opportunity to meet Wendy of The Fabulous Miss Wendy. I never understood the whole concept of Marilyn Manson being both the name of the band AND the singer but that is apparently the same deal Wendy has going on. Anyway, I asked Wendy for an interview and she graciously and fabulously accepted and here was our very fun exchange:

Blastocystem: OK, I know you get asked “What’s it like to be an attractive female guitarist” but I think that’s a retarded question since it’s like asking “what’s it like being a guitarist with green eyes.” Besides we both know the answer to that question: it’s AWESOME.

Wendy: lol… I’m glad you asked that question. People never believe that I can play until they see it for themselves. It’s good though because most people are pretty shocked once they see me play. At least half of the compliments I get are preceded by “Not to be sexist or anything, but I’ve never seen a girl play like that.”

Blastocystem: Haha. While, I’ve seen it and I can vouch for it. Of course I’ve seen Ruyter Suys live as well and discovered the Great Kat a long time ago. Honestly you have smaller fingers, not big gorilla fingers like me so it really should be easy.

Wendy: Anybody can play guitar no matter what kind of fingers they have, it is a myth that long skinny fingers are better for playing. It’s all about how you hold the guitar.

Blastocystem: So by now you have noticed my sense of humor is kind of offbeat. Don’t worry, I’m not going to ask you stupid shit like ‘’if you were an ice cream cone what would your toppings be?’’ or ‘’describe the color pink?’’ Unless you feel like answering those questions.

Blastocystem: So, I can ask you lame stuff like ‘’how long have you been playing?’’ but I have seen that answered in other interviews, so I’ll be more open-ended and ask this: can you describe your journey to becoming a rock guitarist?

Wendy: I actually wanted to play the drums, but my parents wouldn’t let me, so I started to play guitar, and LOVE IT! I am rarely separated from my axes I took lessons for 10 years, I believe that it is very possible to learn without lessons, but I am glad that I took them. My guitar teacher has been my mentor in life.

Blastocystem: Who was your teacher? Feel free to gush about how wonderful they were.

Wendy: His name is Christie Caballero, he plays in a band called American Anthem. He is bad-ass! He also plays in a Van Halen Tribute Band. He always used to tell me I was great, I thought he told everyone that...lol

Blastocystem: Oh, so he gets to be Van Halen in a Van Halen band. That is exactly the kind of teacher you want.

Wendy: He’s really bad-ass! I actually met the guy who taught Eddie Van-Halen how to play. His name is Jim McCarty, who played with Buddy Miles, Cactus, and started out in The Detroit Wheels who backed up Mitch Ryder. I got to see a private rehearsal of the band in Detroit, it was sweet! Then I saw Jeff Beck play the next day, holy shit! That weekend changed my life! I am determined to see all of the best guitar players (who are alive) play.

Blastocystem: How old were you when you first played in front of people and their reaction was ‘’DAMN, this girl can PLAY’’

Wendy: Think 11 or 12, my brother took me to an open-mic night. I played ‘’Today’’ by The Smashing Pumpkins. When I sang the line “I wanna turn you on”, some older boys in the audience (probably 15 or 16) started cheering and clapping. I was so shocked and freaked out at the time, but looking back it is pretty funny.

Blastocystem: What was the first Metallica song you learned (there’s always one, that’s like a requirement for young guitarists )?

Wendy: The first Metallica song I learned to play was Enter Sandman.

Blastocystem: Ah. Black Album. I think that was mine too, but I may have tried to learn something from “And Justice for All” and not had the chops yet.

Blastocystem: What is the skeeziest venue that you’ve ever played, and on the flip-side what is the most enjoyable venue that you’ve ever played?

Wendy: People are very respectful at the venues (especially when I walk around with a big dude). The horniest audience was definitely Rochester NY, (or rowdy Rochester as I like to call it) they were screaming “Take it off!” They also threw money at the stage while I was playing. After the show somebody came up to me and said his wife was working on her doctorate in women’s studies and wanted to know how I felt about the crowd reaction. I told him that they paid to get in there and have a good time, and I was cool with however they wanted to react. I don’t have any favorites of the clubs, because I had a great time on the tour and I am happy to be playing in front of people who love music.

Blastocystem: What was the most amazing, glorious, awesome single show you have ever played?

Wendy: There were so many great ones, Little Rock, Jonesboro, Phoenix, New York, Boston, Chicago, Des Moines, too many to count New York was cool cause we played on a rock and roll boat that went around the harbor, where people got drunk and crazy. Skatopia was cool cause we got to play with the Meat Puppets and Gwar.

Blastocystem: Holy shit, all you had to say was “Gwar.”

Wendy: And Fishbone played at Skatopia too. the lead singer of Fishone came up to me after the show and said it was one of the baddest shows he had seen in a long time. that was freaking awesome

Blastocystem: What is your absolute dream gig? (You can be as creative with this as you want, it can be something kind of like the Sex Pistols’ infamous performance of God Save the Queen on the River Thames, only way crazier and hotter.

Wendy: I would like to play a concert on another planet and have it televised to all the people on earth. The first inter-planetary concert ever!

Blastocystem: OK, shifting the topic over to your newest ablum, How much are the experiences you sing about based on your own life? (Don’t worry, you don’t have to incriminate yourself here, though I’m pretty sure you are not the least bit shy.

Wendy: Actually every single song is one-hundred percent truthful. I believe in the Kurt Cobain school of truthfulness in lyrics.

Blastocystem: I noticed that your album was more focused on rhythm and vocals without a lot of fancy showing off and solo masturbation, though I know from seeing you live you have some serious skills. Are you like me where you watch Vai or Satriani sweep and fingertap some random torrent of notes for like 5 minutes and then you are like ‘’OK, that’s nice, we know your fingers are fast, now can you play an actual song?’’

Wendy: I am definitely the same way, but am interested in fast melodic soloing, like Jeff Beck. The last record was produced by the bass player from DEVO and was light on guitars. the next record will be more rock and more like what you see in the live performances.

Balstocystem: Cool, that is what I was wondering. By the way, that brings me to another one of my questions: Is the dude from Devo cool? Did he ever wear the Devo hat around you, and if so were you tempted to take it from his head and put it on yours?

Wendy: He was pretty cool, I got to sing a verse on a DEVO song, a remake of “Computer Camp Love”. That was sweet! They have tons of those hats too, they sell them at every DEVO show for $9.99, makes a great flower pot too!

Blastocystem: I thought ‘’Call Me Fabulous’’ was kind of similar to Peaches or Avenue D but with a surf rock vibe. I don’t know if you like those artists but they have songs with names like ‘’Fuck the Pain Away’’ and ‘’Too Drunk to Fuck.’’

Wendy: I love Peaches! Glad you asked! Her remake of Bad Reputation was a pivotal moment in my development! I made a fake id and used to go the Kibbitz Room to see bands play. The bar-tender told me about Peaches.

Blastocystem: OK, I never thought I would see a live performance of MC5’s ‘’Kick Out The Jams’’ that included a table dance. That is a song all the way from 1969. How extensive and diverse is your taste in music? I can already tell from talking to you that you are like an encyclopedia of rock.

Wendy: Thanks so much for that. I know it sounds cliche but I am into all kinds of music, anything I can get my hands on really. From the classic to the contemporary even to local music. I am always out checking out new music. One of my favorites right now is Mindless Self Indulgence. I am really picky about the songs I listen to. I tend to only listen to songs that completely blow me away… a mediocre song, or a song that has some good stuff in it is a waste of time. Every note, every lick, every lyric has to count… otherwise what’s the point?

Blastocystem: I’m doing an open mic electric guitar project except I do electro songs and RATM songs and Prince songs and NWA songs just to prove that good music is good music.

Wendy: That freaking rules! Please send me a link, I would love to hear it

Blastocystem: Are Les Pauls sexier than Strats, or do they just sound better, or both? (I think we both know the answer to this one ).

Wendy: Every individual guitar is so different, you could have one hundred guitars same make, model, everything and only a few of them will be the magic ones. I usually play 50 or 100 guitars before I buy one. I have both strats and les pauls that seriously kick ass!
I have over 20 guitars right now, and a lot more on the way The Cherry Red Les Paul is my personal favorite right now, it is just so responsive and has a lot of output too! Funny story, I went to Guitar Center to buy a cheap guitar to break onstage. It was an $80 Epiphone ‘’beginner guitar’’ with only one pickup in it and one knob for volume. It was actually really good, so I kept it as a backup guitar and bought another cheap Epiphone and broke it onstage. It was sweet!

Blastocystem: That is true, they are a lot like people. I bought an old Ibanez off of my friend as a practice guitar for $75 and it has some amazing sustain.

Blastocystem: What’s your favorite chord (if you have a favorite chord)?

Wendy: Favorite chord, that is a tough one, I like to invent really fun brand spanking new chords. Anything that sounds good and moves me is fun. I play a lot of experimental stuff. Like when I sit down to play most of the stuff is improvised. I have to record myself to remember what I just played… often having to re-learn licks that I turn into a song.

Blastocystem: Complete this sentence: If someone approached me and asked me to play Lilith Fair I would ...

Wendy: Play it.

Blastocystem: Who are your personal guitar GODS? Mine are Tom Morello, Stevie Ray Vaughn, Roy Buchanan, and Prince (yes, you read that right).

Wendy: Jeff Beck, Jimmy Page, Slash, Mark Bolan.

Blastocystem: Complete this sentence: If I couldn’t play music I would ...

Wendy: ....

Blastocystem: OK, be totally, absolutely honest with me: what do you think of my home state of Arizona? I’ve heard from outsiders that it smells weird to them.

Wendy: I like Arizona. There are tons of music lovers and almost everybody has a swimming pool.

Blastocystem: So, which band in your opinion, wins in a fight between the Beatles, the Doors, and the Rolling stones? First a battle of the bands, then the inevitable fist fight after the results of the battle of the bands are announced?

Wendy: The Rolling Stones because they are still together.

Blastocystem: What is the second greatest rock band of all time (behind the The Fabulous Miss Wendy of course)?

Wendy: I can’t just pick one, there are too many to count!

Blastocystem: Frank Zappa once described rock journalism as ‘’people who can’t write interviewing people who can’t talk for people who can’t read.’’ I think you talk just fine though. Do you think I can write? I’m not sure about the people who will read this. Is Zappa totally wrong?

Of course you can write, Zappa was just trying to get a rise out of you

Blastocystem: What’s next for The Fabulous Miss Wendy?

Wendy: I am making a record in Detroit with Vinny from Sponge and Tim Patalan, (who produced the latest Taproot record which hit number one on the Billboard Active Rock Chart). It is coming out out kick-ass! I am so exited!

Blastocystem: Just how fabulous are you, in your humble opinion? (Don’t be modest )

Wendy: I have the word “Fabulous” tattooed all the way across my back!

Peter Schilling - Major Tom

DÖF - Code (Ich dü se, dü se im Sauseschritt

Edelweiss - Starship Edelweiss

Braucht mir Edelweiss?  Wie Gott?  Wie?

K2 - Der Berg Ruft

Marching with Star of David.
Child in black face.
Obvious “camel” reference.
Abe Lincoln.
Kinderschänder.
Explicit use of scissors.
Monocle!
Burgermeister <
Er ist sehr sauersein und haß Kinder und Amerika. (Actually, no)
Hobo style kerchief.
He\’s too happy to be out of work. (Arbeitlos macht Frei)
Hobo in black face. (No, just hobo face)
Der Penner lebt im Baum. (Er heißt << David the Gnome >>)
Schneider == Taylor. (Keine scheiße)
Der Penner hat eine gruselige Puppe.
Er schieb die Hände des Penner auf den Po von die Puppe.
Die Puppe sieht den Burger König aus.
Driving a carriage and playing a trumpet is a dangerous combination.
Bow to the girl with the dead father.
The Twin Towers did not exist then.
The girl is too friendly to have lost a father.  She laughs because it’s easier than crying.
Der Schneider bekommt << ein König >>. (Oder nicht)
The Chef is fat, that means we can trust her and that she fulfills half of the Black Mammy stereotype.  Obviously, her lack of melanin is a hurdle, but not an insurmountable one.
They’re trying to fatten him up, so that there is more of him to rape.
She’s dead now.  Her children too.
Fainting is the Victorian or << die Aufklärung >> (the Age of Enlightenment) equivalent of cutting.
Even Germans can flip pancakes; that makes me feel inadequate.
He doesn’t eat pretzels, because God is dead on the inside.
His leftovers turn into wealth, fuck you compost lobby.
His leftovers turn into wealth, how convenient.
I wonder if she \‘passes\’ Latvian. // OMG, Nella Larsen reference.
She turned into the old sewing lady before the advent of AIDS.
Real men bet with buttons.  Hörst du mich Herrn Tocchet?
Leering at women with a monocle.  I don’t know if that is the pinnacle or a sign of the downfall of German society.
White people.
They’re angry, because Sophie Ellis-Bextor was not born yet.

I find this to be quite poetic.

A deceased rural couple come back as ghosts and have to haunt their house which has been gentrified by weird, egotistical yuppies with a moody goth daughter. In order to get rid of the yuppies they enlist the help of an obnoxious rogue ghost with a penchant for young girls and end up having to battle him and learn to get along with the living.

A teenager goes back in time and in order to stop the death of his scientist friend who was killed by Libyan terrorists, and stop his family from never existing, he must seduce the teenage version of his mom.

A pair of old racist commodities brokers perform an experiment in which they destroy the life of one of their best colleagues and prop up a homeless man in order to make a wager on nature vs. nurture, and when the two subjects of the experiment learn of the plot they enlist the help of a prostitute to help them turn the tables on their tormentors.

An autistic child has a gift for playing Nintendo and he and his brother escape on a dangerous road trip to California to compete in a Nintendo tournament at Universal Studios. Along they way they encounter a teen runaway who accompanies them on their journey and are pursued by a “child bounty hunter” who looks suspiciously like a professional pedophile. Along the way they encounter a egotistical cool kid who thinks the power glove is the apex of civilization, and thus “so bad.” When the child bounty hunter comes close to capturing them they escape by accusing him of child molestation. They finally get to the tournament. The autistic child is victorious. On the way back we realize that Califonia has a special place in his heart because the giant fake dinosaur near Indio is the last place where he remembers his family being whole.

What the fuck 80s?

Tearwave - Holding On

This is some of the more authenitc shoegaze/dream pop that I’ve heard in a while.  I believe the band is now defunct, but it’s nice to see this kind of music done right.

Computer Magic - Running

Sleigh Bells - Kids

This works surprisingly well as pre-game music, I think it’s the faux cheer vibe that this song gives off.

Das Racist

In case you are wondering, it is actually “der Rassist,” not that it really matters.

This was a post from a genital herpes forum. It was Google’s second listing from a search of the screen name (withheld to protect the innocent because I really feel sorry for this girl):

I was diagnosed three weeks ago, I was also diagnosed with cervical cancer at the same time. I was devestated and suicidal. The cancer didnt scare me, because I couldnt hurt anyone else with it, but this I could hurt someone with and that is not okay with me. I didnt get a choice in this, I was raped 2 weeks after my last test(I get them yearly) I didnt get retested, because the one thing I was greatful for was that he had used a condom (I am allergic to latex and had a severe reaction,anyone not in a relationship with me dosent know that) I have always been very careful because of this, I met an amazing guy 10 days after my diagnosis, and thought there is no way he is going to stick around. Neverless, I did the right thing and told him about both the cancer and the hsv, to my shock, he said that he admired my courage and character to tell him the truth and I was going to go to heaven for that, and he could never leave me over it, he is understandably concerned about the herpes because he is negative and is in the military, he wants us to do as much research as we can together and he certainly wants me to go on suppresion (I agree with him), but he said he wants to be with me, even if we are never able to physically be together(thats a big deal we both admit that in our relationships the sex is impotant to us) he then pulled out a credit card, cashed in some leave time and will be here in 2 weeks, I have been so amazed by him I actually petitioned my church to have him declared a saint. I want to know what kind of interaction is safe for him? I know him giving me oral sex is probably not safe, but can I give it to him safely? I have polyeurathane condoms for sex so I am not so worried about that. If I have an outbreak what can I do to get rid of it asap, I dont care how much it hurts I’ll do it. can you suggest any other alternative therapies aside from valtrex? I already started a lysine supplement and grapefruit seed extract, 1000mg of b-12 and a b- complex, and multi vitamin. I have altered my diet as much as I can, due to some severe digestive issues I have, and I also eat a bunch of yougert and icecream because of my digestive stuff, solid food is almost off limits with rare exception. I have also looked into oxygen and ozone therapy, as well as Ion detox footbaths. He deserves as much as I can give him in whatever time I have with him. any advice would be really great

Iceland is a small island nation with a population of just over 300,000 and although lately most people associate Iceland with a bankrupt economy and a Volcano that nearly ruined Eurovision, Iceland does manage to make up for these sins in grand fashion.  For such a small island, Iceland has a huge impact on the global music scene producing acts such as Björk, Bang Gang, Worm is Green, Emiliana Torrini, Dikta, Aria, FM Belfast, Ólafur Arnalds, the Sugar Cubes, and of course, the legendary Silvia Night.  Now you can add Bloodgroup to the long list of badass Icelandic bands:

Bloodgroup - Pro Choice

God damn.

Bloodgroup - My Arms

Bloodgroup - Moving Like a tiger

Whoa, the guy playing the drum machine upfront is wearing a very familiar t-shirt.

Yes-R and Nikki - Clap Your Hands (Sia cover)

This song isn’t Icelandic, but the energy of their live performance goes very well with the Bloodgroup videos.

Whooping cough now an epidemic in California

According to a statement just released by the California Department of Public Health, pertussis — whooping cough — is now officially an epidemic in California.

That’s right: an almost completely preventable disease is coming back with a roar in California. There have been well over 900 cases of pertussis in that state this year, over four times as many as this time last year (and 600 more suspected cases are being investigated). If this keeps up, California may see more cases in 2010 than it has in 50 years.

If that doesn’t anger and sicken you enough, then this most assuredly will: there have been five deaths this year from pertussis as well, all babies under three months of age.

Infants aren’t fully protected against pertussis until they have completed the first schedule of vaccinations, when they reach 6 months. Before then, they are vulnerable to the disease. The most likely reservoir for the bacterium? Unvaccinated people, including other children. If too many people go unvaccinated, the disease can find a host and survive long enough to infect others. If enough people are vaccinated, that chance drops. This effect is called herd immunity, and it’s the only thing that can keep this highly contagious and potentially fatal disease away from infants.

As reported in the San Francisco Chronicle:

There is no shortage of vaccines, which are provided for free to hospitals and participating counties by the state health department.

Emphasis mine. So why aren’t people getting vaccinated?

Of course, some people cannot be vaccinated due to allergies or other medical reasons. And it’s too early to say for sure if the antivax movement is behind this… but their shoulders have plenty of room for blame. [Note: some comments below are indicating that this outbreak is actually tied to the immigrant population in California. I want to be clear that I am not blaming the antivax movement for this particular epidemic, but that in many cases they can be directly or indirectly tied to lower vaccine rates. However, pending any evidence for this, which may yet be forthcoming, it is also premature to blame immigrants for this as well.] We know for a fact that in Sydney Australia, where the antivax movement was quite strong in recent years, pertussis gained strength, and several babies died, including Dana McCaffery. She was four weeks old when pertussis took her.

Four weeks.

Meryl Dorey, the head of the now-happily-defunct Australian Vaccination Network — a fringe but vocal vaccine denialist group — said all sorts of horrid things about vaccinations, all of which were incorrect. She distorted the truth, ignored evidence, and used every means at her disposal to terrify parents into not vaccinating.

Jenny McCarthy and the recently-disgraced Andrew Wakefield are also vocally spreading false information about vaccines. The result is that they are aggressively giving diseases like pertussis, measles, rubella, and even polio a chance to come back.

Vaccines work. They are one of the greatest medical inventions of all time. They have saved hundreds of millions of lives. They are inexpensive, easy to get, and may save not just your life and the lives of your children, but also those of children you’ve never even met.

This is America, this is the 21st century, and people are still dying of pertussis. It’s shameful, it’s unnecessary, and it’s completely preventable.

Link.

The anti-Vaccination movement is one of the most infuriating group of imbeciles imaginable.  Not only are they putting their own children at risk, but their selfish acts endager the lives of many others.  Good job, assholes.

Jewish dance group stoned in Hanover, Germany

German police are investigating the stoning of a Jewish dance group trying to perform on the street in the city of Hanover.

Youths reportedly shouted “Juden Raus” (Jews Out) as they attacked the dancers of the Chaverim ("Friends" in Hebrew) dance troupe last weekend.

Police said several Muslim immigrant youths were among the attackers and two youths were being questioned.

A German Jewish leader said she feared growing anti-Israeli sentiment.
‘So awful’

The group was trying to perform in Hanover’s Sahlkamp district, which has a large immigrant community.

One of the dancers was injured in the leg and the troupe cancelled the performance after the attack.

Police said one German suspect aged 14 and a 19-year-old of North African origin were being questioned.

Alla Volodarska, of the Progressive Jewish community of Hanover, told Associated Press news agency she had spoken to the dancers involved.

“What happened is just so awful. The teenagers started throwing stones the moment our dance group was announced, even before they started dancing.”

Charlotte Knobloch, president of the Central Council of Jews in Germany, told the Die Welt newspaper that anti-Semitic feelings were widespread in both far-right and Muslim communities in the country.

“It particularly saddens me that those anti-Semitic views can already be seen with such vehemence among children and youths,” she said.

Source: BBC News

Wow.  I guess the only positive is that German and Islamic youths were able to look past their differences and unite for a common goal.  Unfortunately, that goal was screaming “Juden raus! (Jews out!)” and stoning a Jewish dance troop.  Who the Hell stones anyone anymore?

I can’t explain my love of Southern-fried riffs, which of course would also explain my love of Nashville Pussy. Aside from the riffage, of course, their appeal also comes from either the smirk or the look of horror people give when you mention their name, as well as their legendary salacious onstage antics when they were driven by the rebel Cherokee spirit of the Amazonian Cory Parks. Though they have mellowed just a tad over the years they can still be categorized under ‘’exciting bands that you must see live before you die.’’ What I found odd at the Parental Advisory show at the Rhythm Room is that they somehow ended up being the least exciting band of the show. That’s not a slight on them: Psychostick, The Fabulous Miss Wendy and Green Jelly were just that much goddamn fun.

I decided to dress up for the event. Once at a second hand store I found a long-sleeve shirt with a Victorian era-newspaper and advertising print pattern all over it a-la the inside of a Subway restaurant. It was so hideous that I had to buy it and I knew it would come in handy one day. I cut the sleeves off of it and made it into a very dapper vest.

I showed up a little after the start of the concert because from my experience with shows I’ve learned that the first act is usually skippable. I walked in about halfway through Psychostick’s set. I was predisposed to hate them but it turns out that I couldn’t. They seemed like a band of nerds using metal to make fun of metalheads. They wore silly hats (like a giant set of moose antlers) which screams of forced wackiness but here’s the thing: they played a Drowning Pool parody called ‘’I Can Only Count to Four.’’ Their singer was wearing a shirt that said ‘’There’s no place like 127.0.0.1.’’ They played a loving cover of Kenny Loggins ‘’Ride into the Danger Zone’’ during which they launched plastic planes at the audience. I can forgive them for having a bass player in an ICP jersey – in fact he may just have been an ironic Juggalo. I can forgive their use of zombie humor. Fuck you George Romero for introducing zombies to film school syllabuses and eventually to the rest of all pasty nerddom. Of course to be fair due to Psychostick’s zombie jokes I realized that the best guitar with which to decapitate someone is a B.C. Rich Warlock. Psychostick seemed to be poking fun at the audience which made it all that much better when the audience bought them Jäger Bombs. I was pleasantly surprised to find a non-shitty comedy rock band. With a sense of mild satisfaction lingering on into the intermission, I was totally unprepared for the fact that that in just a few minutes I would be falling in love.

Bill Manspeaker, lead singer, auteur and visionary behind Green Jelly, came up to the mic and told the audience that they needed to go to the bar and fuel up to better enjoy the upcoming puppet show. Now Green Jelly, as you may recall, had a claymation hit on MTV in the early 90s with the video for ‘’Three Little Pigs.’’ The night was made up of the realization of adolescent dreams. But of course before that was the Fabulous Miss Wendy, who Manspeaker introduced up to the mic. Recall that scene in the original Wayne’s World in which Wayne’s vision gets all blurry and he hears the song ‘’Dream Weaver’’ in his head. That’s what this was like.

Wendy is a rare commodity: a lady shredder. She was lithe, beautiful, and fire-haired. She opened with two minutes of finger tapping just to send the message that she was not Bonnie Rait, that this was not Lilith Fair, and that she could play guitar with the big boys. Now, the Rhythm Room is a sleepy little Blues/Jazz club where seniors and MILF hunters go to fraternize and chill on weekends that has just happened to take on a lot of rock and indie shows since the retirement of Modified Arts as a music venue. The Rhythm Room was NOT intended to take as much rock as Wendy was able to dish out. She closed with a rendition of MC5’s ‘’Kick Out the Jams’’ which turned into an impromptu lap/table dance for anyone in the audience within reach of her cable. As you would probably be shocked to learn, Nashville Pussy attracts a largely male audience. This audience was quite pleased by the way Wendy ended her set. Being part of Green Jelly she then took her place on the left side of the stage. Bill Manspeaker came up to the mic and the audience used that time to reassure him that thanks to an upcoming ballot initiative medical marijuana is on its way to Arizona.

It was then time for the Green Jelly puppet show to begin. A group of guys in shorts, t-shirts, and ugly monster masks a-la Sloth from the Goonies rushed the stage. The monsters started gyrating and booty dancing and eventually they seemed like they were settling into some kind of polite debate amongst themselves. Then without warning a giant thing came out from the rear entrance next to the stage, a massive creature with a cow head, white glowing eyes, and a regal red robe. This of course was the ‘’Cow God.’’ The Cow God tore through the audience and attracted much worship and revelry from the people like any good graven image should. I was reminded of legendary ‘’Vaca con ojos rojos,’’ a ghost cow with glowing red eyes that appeared along the road and haunted my old neighborhood in South Phoenix. I swear I am not making that up. The Cow God of course performed his titular song. He went onstage with all of the monsters and tried to make us feel like we had blood on our hands for eating beef. He then commanded a bald dude who he dubbed ‘’Telly Sevalis’’ to come on stage and shamed him in order to make an example out of us lowly humans.

The song ended and the Cow God disappeared back into the night. The next intermission was a solo from Wendy. When she finished another thing popped out from the rear entrance. There was too much going on with it to take it in all at once.  The first thing to note, however was that it was as if a living rave attacked the audience and all the while had a raging hard-on. It was a creature with many fluorescent and neon lights sticking out and many smaller lights adorning the body. I snapped a photo which gave me a much clearer picture of what looked like. Aside from the lights, it had long, black dreadlocks.  Think electro-rave-rastafarian Gears of War.  I would buy an Xbox just to play any game that featured such a character.  The creature got up on stage and this is the chorus of the song that I heard which if it is not the actual chorus there’s no way the actual chorus could be better:

‘’JUDGE DREDD!! I AM THE LAW’’

This is one of my new favorite songs.  During the solo the bass part switched to the riff from Enter Sandman as Wendy stood on the center monitor and sexily rocked our faces off.  Upon closer inspection I notice that the rave creature had a cod piece made out of a pig head that swiveled as he thrusted his pelvis.  Its shoes were gigantic metallic grinning skulls will bloodshot eyes.  Green Jelly is a band that believes in sensory overload. 

After yet another intermission, Bill Manspeaker came out in his civilian clothes and took the mic. It was now story time. ‘’Who’s the wolfiest motherfucker?’’ he asked. Since I was the closest to the wolf mask and had nothing to lose, I handed my camera to nearby dude and donned the mask. Me as the wolf made visual sense because I have my dapper old-timey vest and as well we all know wolves are dapper, suave, sophisticated motherfucker’s.  It was hard to see in the mask but I was still scary big bad wolf. A girl with a 6-inch Mohawk, antennae that were made of pipe cleaners attached the studs embedded in her head, and a silicone cross implanted in her chest grabbed my mask and razzed me like Jared Allen pumping up a teammate. About half the audience was on the puny Rhythm Room stage ready to sing backup as the little pigs.  I was disappointed that Manspeaker did not let me scream the chorus.  I must confess I had been practicing in the days leading up.  I’m made my presence as the wolf known by head banging appropriately and devouring each one of little pigs. As the song ended a Ninja Turtle (specifically Raphael) came out to beat the wolf with a Nerf bat. I was ready to stand and fight but to keep with the story I let the Ninja Turtle win. 

Here is video of the glorious 10 minutes of wolf mayhem.

As the song completed Manspeaker went in front of the stage and scolded the audience for not mentioning that his shorts were at his ankles. He then led them in a chorus of the band’s mantra:
‘’Green Jelly sucks!
Green Jelly sucks!
Green Jelly sucks!”

No, they do not suck, even though it only took 40 seconds for them to be booted on the Gong Show in 1987. Check out the bewildered faces of those judges. Truly a band ahead of its time.

So it was then time for Nashville Pussy.  With any other lineup Nashville Pussy blows away any other group in terms of entertainment.  This was a tour in which there were the most conventional band on the bill.  That takes quite a lot of unconventionality.  Still, I fulfilled my dream of seeing them in a smoky dark club where they are best appreciated. I got so close to the stage that I was smacked with a headstock several times.  Of course being close to the stage at Nashville Pussy has been known to result in much more intimate contact with the band than just headstock smacks. I got over to the very right because that is were Ruyter Suys does her thing. The photo opportunities were amazing. I could see the bottle of Jack Daniels that she drains over the course of the set sitting next to her amp.

Nashville Pussy is a band best appreciated in motion.

In between one of the songs Blaine Cartwright said, ‘’You know, you recently passed a law. We’re not going to boycott you. Just disband the border patrol and let’s call it even.’’ Why can’t all Southerners be that cool? After the set (which you know is over for certain because Ruyter always tears all the strings off of her Gibson SG) I grabbed one of her string and one of the setlists that were taped to a monitor. After the band cleared the stage a roadie grabbed Ruyter, slung her over his shoulder and carried her to the patio. I figured I should go over to her for a photo op. I told her that she was a ‘’bad-ass shredder.’’ Her response: ‘’I’m an ass-shredder?’’ So she has a Canadian sense of humor. And she was likely full of Jack and Coke, but not the mixed drink. I took a picture of her that was kind of shaky but the guy who took it gave me an offer to come to his house and do cocaine afterward. I respectfully declined.

I was on the lookout for Wendy, who I also wanted to meet. Fortunately she was outside the front door trying to guilt people into buying her CDs.
‘’You were really amazing,’’ I told her.
‘’Well that is not going to help you when you’re jacking off to her later!’’ some random guy next to us blurted out. 
We both ignored him. She said that I had to buy the CD because musicians need to eat. My response to that was:
‘’Yes, you need to eat, or else you will starve and die, and then there will be no one to make music, which will cause the rest of us to go into a deep depression and likely die, so buying the CD indirectly saves the world.’’
I showed her a picture that I took of her making devil horns which is just pure rock and effing roll. She signed the copy of the CD that I bought. I then took a picture with her. From our conversation after that I learned that I got off kind of easy as the wolf because she has worn the wolf mask before and ended up getting curb-stomped. I was kind of surprised when I listened to her CD because some of the songs have a Peaches/Avenue D meets surf-rock vibe.

Billy Ocean - European Queen

Billy Ocean - African Queen

Confess your sins, Billy.  You know there is only one true Queen:

Billy Ocean - Caribbean Queen

I am officially addicted to Witch House at the moment:

Horse MacGyver (formely _v_o_i_d_) - Spit Shine

oOoOO - Seaww

White Ring - IxC999